I Want To Be Like

I want to be like one of those who are described as "genius with a tragic life".

A daredevil genius who drank themselves to death and/or spent weeks not leaving their house doing questionable activities with questionable people consuming questionable substances.

I want to be like one of those who are so sick of life, they are doing everything daring it to kill them. Or, in contrary, be like one of those who loved the life so much, it killed them. Those who lived each moment on the line ready to cross it (and they did).

I want to be like one of those who screamed and danced and made everyone watch them. With judgment or with admiration. And after that they created. They created the most beautiful, heartbreaking and breathtaking stories, poems, paintings. Their works that are filled with love and hate and pain and struggle and everything and everyone. What they made is filled with life and that is want I want to be like.

But I am not. I am too concerned with healthy eating and I know that drinking is, indeed, dangerous. Generally, any kind of substance abuse will upset my parents, so that is, really, out of question. I care about my blood pressure and I make sure I consume enough protein. And I do want to not sleep for days partying and ending up with random bruises on my body and lost house keys.

But there are too many people who care, and I wouldn't want to hurt them.

Being that careful, can I really make something great?